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PLAYER PROFILE ARCHIVE |
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ROBERT “No1 TWIN” PRESTON The first monthly player profile, on Northern Poker Stars, and who better to start with, than the player that was the outright winner of the Vegas tournaments last year. The Vegas tournaments mark the launch of Northern Poker Stars, so this player profile is very apt. Rob by his own admission came to the first Vegas tournament as a poker rookie and after the series of five tournaments, found himself rubbing shoulders with the best poker players in the world. His results were consistent and getting off to a winning start in Leaving For Las Vegas Part One, he gained the confidence to battle through the remaining four tournaments to book his place in Vegas. Rob’s success last year is proof that anyone can succeed at the Live Tournaments, regardless of your previous experience. Yes he carried a bit of luck, but we all need that at times. I remember one hand in particular in the first tournament. On the flop Rob was holding top 2 pair and his opponent pushed all-in. Rob called and found himself up against the nut straight held by Stuart Neale. Rob spiked a King on the river to give him a full house! Relief etched on the face of one player and anguish on the other. At the final tournament, Rob was so nervous. Terrified of facing Stu “Bad Beat” Hoskin, scared of facing Kev Steward and dreading coming up against Sean “TT” Forsyth. My advice to Rob, “Don’t worry about those players, its Brunson, Negranu and Hellmuth you need to worry about when you get to Vegas.” To allow the No1 Twin every chance to become composed, I deliberately failed to mention that Joan “The Ballbreaker” Lawley was one of his opponents that day. She would worry even the aforementioned greats!!! So it came to pass that Rob triumphed and went on the trip of a lifetime to the Mecca Of Poker, Las Vegas. Rob works in the leisure industry. He drives the coach that takes the OAP’s to exotic locations such as Whitley Bay, Scarborough and of course the Vegas of the UK… Blackpool.. In essence this was a true BUSMANS HOLIDAY. “I’ll get you, Butler!” Good Luck for the Vegas 2009 Qualifiers Rob. |
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JOAN “THE BALLBREAKER” LAWLEY If you travel along the A595 heading towards Millom, you will come to a quaint, sleepy little village called Bootle. In the village there is a very inconspicuous pub called the Kings Head. Venture in there on a Monday evening (but take plenty of cash with you, because of the London prices!) and you will find a gathering of the locals and a few out-of-towners’. They are there religiously to participate in the village card school. This is not Gin Rummy, or even Bridge. This is the modern phenomenon that is Poker, of the Texas No Limit Hold’em variety. The matriarchal head of this group is Miss Joan Lawley. To look at this lady, you would not associate her with this couture game that is feverishly played worldwide. But do not let first impressions fool you. This woman is responsible for producing a group of players that can hold their own in the upper echelons of poker, and she is also partly responsible for the popularity of the game in Cumbria. I have known Joan now for a few years and we have grown quite close. She led me to believe that I was special to her and that I was her toy-boy. It was only when I started to venture to Bootle that I discovered that I was not the only one. She has others. Yes, like her style of poker play, she is a loose woman. It takes for a person to witness what cards she plays, to believe it. It is from her school of poker that the sayings, “I’m getting value” and “They were suited” arise. But after watching her play, I realise that this woman is not a chancer, she has an uncanny knack of knowing when to play certain hands. There are of course her favourites, The Gay Duck, Q, 2 and the Gay Waiter Q, 3. If any of these cards appear on the flop, turn or river, be careful, very very careful, because if she hasn’t got them, she will convince you that she has. Joan has earned herself several endearing names on the Northern Poker Stars circuit. “The BallBreaker”, “The NutCracker” and one impetuous youth even called her “The BallBanger”. “Get The BallBanger on my table!” he cried at a recent tournament. She eventually met him on the final table and true to his words…. He got his balls banged. She had the final table turned upside down and inside out and sat there with a cheeky smile on her face as she cruised to victory. Don’t think for one minute that she only saves that for rookie players. At the GUKPT Blackpool 2007, she led an unnamed “professional” poker player, (Jon “Texas” Hewston) a merry dance. Whilst the rest of the table were bowing down to “Texas” and were showing him far too much respect, Little Joanie decided that enough was enough. “What do they call you then?” She asked, with a smattering of sarcasm in the air. “ You don’t know who I am?” he snarled at her, to which she replied, “I don’t care who you are, I have faced the Devilfish, so you are unlikely to worry me.” She duly took all of his chips from him and knocked him out of the prestigious tournament. One of my fondest memories of Joan was being sat opposite her in a £200 Deepstack Freezeout tournament at the G Casino in Blackpool. She stole the chips on the first few hands, her usual trick. “Nobody expect a poor pensioner to be on the steal,” she told me at the 1st break then winked at me and cracked a smile. At the 2nd break, there was no sign of Joan. I asked friends where she was. I was informed that she had been knocked out of the tournament and was so upset with her play that she was in her little camper van that was parked directly outside the front door of the casino, having a word with herself! Some three hours later, she was sat at a cash table, swinging her legs, as her feet don’t touch the floor, laughing and joking. That is why we love the game of poker and that is why we love the “poor pensioner” that is Joan “The BallBreaker” Lawley XXX |
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SEAN “TT” FORSYTH What a year 2008 has been for Sean, who is by far the most profitable player in the region at the live games, and the Player Of the Year 2008. His record this year is unbelievable. 9th, 8th, 6th (twice), 5th, 3rd, 2nd and 1st (five times). Congratulations Sean, your play has been outstanding. Sean’s favourite professional player is the controversial Phil Hellmuth, holder of 11 WSOP bracelets and recognised by many as the greatest player of the modern era. Phil is known as “The Poker Brat”, and this is something that seems to have rubbed off on the image of Sean “TT” Forsyth. I am not going to pull any punches; Sean is the player that everyone wants to beat at the tournaments. This is not only due to the fact that his play has earned him the right to be at the top of the leader board, but also credited to his “attitude” when chips are taken from him, especially when he is leading. There have been other modern greats that have had an arrogant swagger and hate losing, Michael Schumacher and John McEnroe to name just two. Personally I can relate to having a winning attitude, and this is certainly in Sean’s make-up, although at times, he does need reminded that bad beats are common in poker. Remember my friend, your 2 hole cards are still to be paired with up to 5 community cards. Poker is potentially about 7 cards and there is no guarantee that the best starting hand will come out the other side as the winning hand. Think back to your 1st victory in Kendal when you pushed all-in after a flop of A Diamonds, K Spades, A Hearts, and Graham Wells, holding a K Clubs, 2 Diamonds, called you. The turn and river gave you running Spades to turn your 3, 5 Spades into a winning flush! Sometimes it works in your favour. The Vegas tournaments seem to be your Achilles heel. I am sure that you would change your final table positions in the live charity tournaments too more lucrative positions in the Vegas tournaments. I know for certain that you would love the Mecca Of Poker. I think that with all the controversy that surrounds you, (though I am quick to add that I admire both your play and your will to win, it’s your inability to take it on the chin when things don’t go your way, that you need to address) it is about time that we changed your “poker name?” Out with “TT” and lets bring in “The Marmite Man”… You either love him or hate him! |
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STEPHEN “TIGER” TYSON
The Tiger is one of the most popular members of our club, both with his fellow players and with the staff. He burst onto the poker scene in 2008 making several final table appearances in the early part of the year and was leading the Player of the Year competition at Easter. It was great to see him finishing higher than his good friend Ian Tweedie, and The Tiger was equally please to relieve Ian of their standing bet. It was all too easy. Then there was change in the fortunes of the man from Kells. The final tables dried up. The money started going back to Ian. I was collecting money from him for soiling the tables by spilling his drink, and I was banning him from the tables for foul and abusive language, though I am quick to admit that none of it was malicious. What had gone wrong? Many say his early success was down to the fact that he played fewer hands. His constant toilet breaks and time out to savour a “Jamaican Woodbine” meant that he found himself in the latter stages of a tournament, without being involved in many pots. The real reason was the fact that he started treating the events as a social function and the poker became secondary. One event in particular springs to mind, when Tiger told me who he thought, ”Would be the best two players in 2009.” “Gary (Clucas), me (he said, pointing to himself) and him over there, (pointing at Mike Farrer)!” A few minutes later and the action comes to Stephen in the SB. He turns to Josy Hewer in the BB and says “Only me and you in?” and pushes all of his chips over the line. Josy calls and so do the other two players that have matched the BB... Not only has Tiger competed on the local scene, but went to Vegas in early 2008 where he won a couple of tournaments. On his first visit to the G Casino in Blackpool, he told his table of his success in Vegas. When asked about the monetary value of his wins, the Tiger replied, “Put it this way, I’m retired now.” It is worth knowing that the Tiger retired from Marchon in 2000. Stephen enjoyed more success at Dusk Til Dawn at Nottingham, making the final day and finishing in 11th place in a field of pro’s from across Europe. He surpassed the efforts of Ian Tweedie and Gary Fowler, but missed out on 10th place to a player that failed to show for the final days play. It could only happen to the Tiger! At a recent tournament, several of us decided to go to the G Casino, Blackpool to play the £100 Deepstack Freezeout. I asked Tiger did he want to come. He refused, stating that he had the chickens to feed and couldn’t set off at 9:30am. I told him that we were not leaving until 11:30am. After telling him this a further nine times, he eventually agreed, but couldn’t understand why I didn’t tell him this earlier. “I will just let Brenda know” he said, and obviously got a bit of a ribbing about being under the thumb. He explained to me that he had promised to take Brenda to Carlisle for Christmas shopping, and that she wouldn’t mind him going, he was simply being polite by letting her know. “I don’t grovel” he said, “You can even listen to my phone call to Brenda.” The following is an exact account of that conversation... “Hey Pet, it’s me.” “No, rubbish, I’m out.” “No Pet, I haven’t seen it, I will have a look when I get off the phone.” “What... he’s died... Aww Brenda!” “So the funeral will be on Monday?” “You will have to travel down at the weekend.” “I will phone you when I get home Pet.” The Tiger ends his call to Brenda, turns to me and says, “Put me down for Blackpool, Brenda’s granddad has died!” Personally I don’t know why they pay vast sums of money to actors to make us laugh. I get all the humour and enjoyment I need being in the company of the Tiger. Move over David Jason, here comes the Tiger in “Only Fools And Chickens.” Tiger passed out whilst in Whitehaven a few months ago. When he came around, he was in the back of an ambulance going along Inkerman Terrace to the hospital. The female paramedic explained to Stephen where he was and what has happened. “What? I’m in an ambulance?” “I’m 52 years old and have never been in an ambulance.” “Can you put the blue light on?” LEGENDARY. It is commonly known that poker players are economic with the truth. So to all the people that frequent the market pubs in Whitehaven, that bought Stephen and Brenda drinks all night, when they were out the other week, the truth is.... They didn’t get married that day. Tiger put his suit on to take Brenda out for a meal. You’ve been had! Finally to end, Brenda has bought Tiger a book and a DVD on “Poker tips for beginners.” He has told me that in 2009, he will be back on top and that he won’t drink at the tournaments, he is going to take his poker seriously. My reply, “SEEING IS BELIEVING!” |
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MIKE “ALL-IN” CHAMBERS I have been asked by several players to allow them to give an input into the player profiles. We shall start with this: I have known Michael since the early nineties when we both used to drink in the Golden Fleece behind Woollies, long before it became the Irish Bar. The first time that I encountered Mike at a poker tournament, I took a dislike to him within half an hour. I found out that he was a Man City fan and me being a Man Utd fan, there was immediate friction. This was not the main reason though. I am generally considered to be a tight poker player and after raising pre-flop with suited connectors, or medium pocket pair or even Ace Jack and Chem then comes over the top of my bet, “All-In” he says. On the occasion where he gets a caller and I genuinely think that I am behind, and lay my cards down, (thinking that I am behind), to find Chem turning over 5, 3 o/s or some other unreal hands. He then gets lucky on the board and takes down the pot. We have all seen this time and time again with Chem and every player hated it. TT was up in arms. The Ballbreaker was going to break my balls if I ever put her on the same table as “that man”, and countless others were never coming back. The old unlimited rebuy format played right into Mike’s hands, as he used to play even wilder. Yes, any 2 cards can win at poker and Chem usually held those “any 2 cards”. I soon worked out that the only way to get the better of Mike was to avoid the pre-flop “All-In”, to get cards on the board and to let his aggression be his undoing when you were holding the nuts. It works, especially after Mike has had a few, and I think that time has caught up with him Bob, its no longer 5 pints, its now 3! The new 1 rebuy system has seen Chem out of the tournaments early, on most occasions before the break. I do however remember one tournament at the Haven Club, where we had raised £530 for Macmillan Cancer Support, and fittingly, it was mike that had organized this fund-raiser. Mike made the final table and the 1st hand he pushed “All-In” (surprise surprise!), he was called by 3 players, holding pocket Kings, AQ suited and pocket Jacks. Chem turned over 9,5 o/s and won the pot! The very next hand, he was “All-In” again, with…. 9,5 o/s and was out of the tournament. He couldn’t believe his bad luck! At a charity tournament at Carlisle, Chem was out of the tournament again before the break and found a cash table being run by some local sharks. By the time that I had finished running the charity tournament, and it was time for the mini-bus to depart, the “sharks” found themselves with burnt fingers. Chem had baffled them with his erratic play and this “drunken old fool” that they thought they were going to bleed dry, had over £2500 in front of him. Fearing for his safety, I got him on the mini-bus ASAP! Chem used his winnings from the Carlisle Boys (TYVM) to go to Vegas with Tiger, Foxy and Tweedie and in true Michael Chambers fashion had lost the full £2K in 1 HOUR! Chem, you are a wonderful man and you are very highly thought of by all of us at NPS. You are a regular and never let me down, even though I have served you with a few 10 minute bans from the table for swearing. I would just like to finish with my agreement with Bob that you are indeed one of life’s colourful characters and we need players like you at NPS, but would also like to mention my admiration of your bravery and devotion to your wife June, as you are waiting to donate one of your kidney’s to your wife, who require a transplant. God Bless You. |
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GUS “TOP GUN” ANATSELOPOLOUS
We now see a more balanced player, with Gus occasionally checking or even flat-calling! Gus now will get looked up more often and he has turned this to his advantage by mixing up his range and getting paid when he does hold the goods. Gus – it looks likely that you will make the TNPL Regional Finals and I sincerely hope that we both make the Nationals, as I know it would be a good craic and we would have a good go at the rest of the field in Stoke. My advice is this Gus – you have the instinct, you watch the big players on TV, now invest some reading time and get a good strategy book. You have the raw talent, now hone and improve your skills and you could soon be taking down a Northern Poker Stars event. Mark Varela. |
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GARY “CRAZYHORSE” CLUCAS I first met Gary at school way back in the mid 90’s! I seem to remember we didn’t really have much time for each other, probably because he was a bit of a class clown and from Gosforth :) Our paths crossed again years later through the common interest of poker, at the Kells Rugby League Club. It was good crack to meet a lad that I knew was the same, if not more infatuated by the game of Poker than myself. We became good friends after that and over the last couple of years I have attended most if not all of the local live and online poker events with Gary, who has become quite a force to be reckoned with amongst the Northern Poker Stars!! I have the greatest sympathy for Gary, who, although he is currently the best live tournament player at Northern Poker Stars (check the leaderboard for proof), he has the most sickening run of bad beats, surpassed only by myself! I shall mention the Cowboys and Speighty because it is an awful knock to take. Gary had been dealt KK and raised accordingly. Andrew who had position on Gary, obviously fancied his pocket Jacks and re-raised. The table folded around to Gary who pushed AI with his Cowboys and then told Speighty that he was holding “Two red Kings”. After contemplating his move, Speighty was then shown one of the Cowboys by Gary. To the amazement of Gary, the table and the entire field, Speighty called! The inevitable then happened, but only if you are called Gary Clucas or Ken Johnston… Speighty makes his trips and Gaz is out of the tournament. Gaz took it bad, very very bad. He vowed that he would go AI 1st hand of the NPS Online Tournament the following evening. True to his word, he did (You are far too honest Dude), and he was called by solwaylil, Stephen Brough, holding K,J (a dangerous call for all of your chips the first hand of the tournament). Gary turned over his 10,5 o/s and solwaylil’s King high held up. I don’t know how that pasified your frustration from the following day, but hey, each to their own! In my role of Tournament Director, I have seen Gary take bad beat after bad beat, after bad beat, and believe me more than his fair share. I cannot believe the hands that some players have called with, especially after Crazyhorse has made it expensive to call. If he had not taken so many bad beats, then he would have been leading the Live Tournament Player Of The Year competition by a more comfortable margin. I have to agree with Mike that there is an element of Poker Brat in Crazyhorse’s make-up, but this has to be expected with the sickening knocks that he takes in the tournaments. I know that none of his comments are malicious and would act on them if for one minute I thought they were. I have only one piece of advice for Crazyhorse and that is that you need to learn how to apply the brakes when your obvious aggressive style is not shaking an opponent off a pot. He is a winner and he studies the game as well as playing it more hours each week than most. I hope that he is rewarded for his dedication. |
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MIKE ‘VEGAS BABY” FARRER As Mike kindly pointed out when he penned my player profile, we met some years ago at Wyndham School. After leaving school until about 2 years ago, the most I had seen of Mike was the odd sloshed-up crack around Whitehaven on a Saturday night and the occasional game of football on a Sunday morning, where he would take great pleasure in running rings around me. The first time I met Mike was at The Kells Club at one of the Live Charity Tournaments that I was running. A quiet young gun that made his way to the final table. He then witnessed The Ballbreaker single handedly take apart the final table, until all that was left of the field was Joan and Mike. Joan has a far far superior chip count and I felt that Mike was doomed. I didn’t think he had a cat in hells chance against The Ballbreaker who’s play that day was devastating. Joan set about bullying Mike and because of his tight style she was taking him to the cleaners. Then the tide turned and Mike started to claw back some of the chips and eventually won the event, in his first ever live tournament appearance. Since then Mike has become a regular at the NPS events. He is well liked by staff and players alike and has never let me down. I enjoy his company and often phone him for advice on poker related things. Any serious poker player should ask Mike for the fantastic spreadsheet that he has developed to track your bankroll. |
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KEV ‘TELETUBBY” STEWARD For as long as I can remember, Kev and I have had that typical intense sibling rivalry. Windsurfing, waterskiing, golf, women, you name it, we have busted a gut to outdo each other, with me, Big Bro usually coming out as Top Dog. Kev Steward epitomises the “never say die” attitude that all winners boast. His 74th place finish out of 76 runners in Leaving For Las Vegas 2008 Part One would have seen many players give up and drop out of the series of events, but not Kev. He came back determined to right a wrong and show everyone that he was good enough to make the Vegas trip. With the help of a very good proxy in David Cooper, he made four consecutive final tables and finished in 2nd place, picking up an automatic trip to Vegas. Kev spent 7 nights in the world famous Bellagio, and was entered into Event 49 of the WSOP, a $1500 Freezeout Event. Kev took his seat, just a couple of tables away from myself, in the huge arena of The Rio. He proudly displayed his GUKPT card protector, which he had earned when cashing in the GUKPT Blackpool Leg, the previous November. After almost 2 hours, his dream was over. Pocket Queens, which seem to be his nemesis hand, had let him down for the 2nd major tournament in a row. Kev quickly exited The Rio, and threw his GUKPT card protector across the car park. For three days he had toiled away in the G Casino to earn the right to one of these, and he had thrown it away, sick at the outcome of another race involving pocket Queens. When I later asked Kev about his decision to discard such a prestigious token, he confidently replied that he would win another…. True to his word he has! After leaving The Rio, Kev headed back to The Bellagio and got straight back onto the poker tables. What An Awesome Dude! I have so much admiration for Kev, both as a player and as a man that I can turn to for advice. His cavalier style of play means that he will either be first out of the tournament or he will be the eventual winner. He is not afraid to put his chips in and this is a trait that has served him well. I have to agree with his brother, Ringo. I for one would not be surprised if he was the first NPS member to win a major event. Watch this space!
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LEE “BLOBSTER” HOUGHTON This is the Player Profile that I have been dying to write for quite a while, but I have saved this until we returned from Vegas after a week in The Bellagio, a week of poker and a week of partying. This has given me even more ammunition, though I am quick to add that this colourful character was not lacking in material for this profile pre-Vegas. The Blobster, goes by many names, most of them self-proclaimed, such as Cumbria’s No2, although I do believe that he has now declared himself Cumbria’s No1 after his victory in a certain series of tournaments. He is also Aberdeen’s No1 and Blackpool’s No9, although he was almost Blackpool’s Most Wanted after upsetting “The Magician”, “The Gangster Of The North”, Howard Plant, at the G Casino. He also claims to be the rooster in his house, though knowing his wife Janice; I have declared Lee to be No2 Rooster! |
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PAUL “FLETCH” CHRISTIAN Now is the time for me to introduce to you all, my fellow director of Northern Poker Stars, Paul Christian. When I set up Northern Poker Stars last year, Paul was constantly on at me to allow him to join the company as a director. After running out of excuses, I finally succumbed to the pressure and Mr Christian was on board. What he brought to the table was a never-ending array of practical jokes and dry humour and I have been on the receiving end of a lot of it. It all stated at the Egremont Con’s Club, when at the break, Paul bought me a hot dog and laced it with copious amounts of chilli sauce. To Paul’s amazement, I ate it without batting an eyelid. It was now time for Paul to up the ante. A few weeks later, I was visiting him at his home. He mentioned the “hot dog incident” and asked me did I like chillies. I do and I confirmed this to him. He told me that he had some, that a guy from work had grown and asked me would I like to sample them? I agreed and he cut me off a small chunk from one of the chillies. At first there was no reaction and I could see the frustration etched on Paul’s face. Then BOOM! Christian started to fall about the place laughing. I can only imagine that it must be a similar sort of sensation as holding a lighted stick of dynamite in your mouth. The pain was excruciating. I could hardly breath and all down one side of my face on fire. My ear on the same side of my head felt like it was melting. I made gestures to The Joker to get me a drink and after half an hour and 2 litres of milk, I was eventually able to utter a few words… “What was that?” in a high-pitched tone, not to dissimilar to the voice of Jimmy Somerville. After he had picked himself up off the floor, and had stopped laughing, he told me that I had just eaten a piece of a Naga chilli, grown by one of his shift colleagues, Barry Clynes (I’m going to get you too, BazSilver!). I have since investigated the Naga and found out that in 2007 it was officially recognised to be the hottest chilli in the world (Guinness Book Of Records), and that anyone eating a full one would require hospital treatment. Some weeks later and during my usual stressful run-up to a live event, Mr Christian, gave me a slip of paper with a name and a phone number on it, and asked me to ring the person in question and explain the format of the live events. Being rather stressed at the time I dialled the number, and asked for “Drew Peacock”. AGAIN!!! Even when Paul is serious, it usually turns out to be a disaster. I got a phone call from him one Tuesday evening when I had just finished work. He asked me could I spare him half an hour. He had accepted an offer for his boat from “an Irishman, who is a comedian and lives in Newcastle”. I should have put the phone down there and then. ‘Mike Cash’ was on his way over with £***** in CASH to buy a boat that he had NEVER seen, other than on eBay. Paul wanted some muscle, just in case things went pear shaped. How could that possibly happen???? I will interrupt this tale and return to it shortly as I need to tell you about Paul’s boat. It is a lovely craft that he had imported from the U.S. It took a party of four, Paul, Digger, Kenny Nichol and myself to the Isle of Man for a long weekend during TT. Whilst there, Paul had an experience on the boat. It is commonly described as a “Man Sandwich”. The saying goes, “what happens on tour, stays on tour”. We were not on tour, so anyone wanting any further details, please email or text me. Back to the tale of, “The Comedian, The Boat And The Half An Hour Hired Gun”. Mike Cash showed up. He laughed when he saw Paul, Mark (Paul’s son-in-law, that is built like a brick sh**house), and myself. Mike realised instantly what was going on and said to Paul that he would be back to petrol bomb his house now that he knew where he lived. When said in the Northern Irish accent, this can be quite alarming. This is what is commonly known as a “squeeze play” amongst us poker players. Mike Cash handed over the money and yet still he had not seen the boat. Paul made us all a cup of tea and started some general chitchat to distract Mike whilst, Angela, Paul’s beautiful wife checked every single note with an ultra-violet pen. At this stage of the story I need to take another break. We shall now discuss the rumours that Fletch is tight. I have heard many people that know Paul to comment on this, but I pondered to myself, as to how they know. Most of them have never been to poker, so how can they comment on his style of play? That was my immediate reaction. I need to tell you that Paul has been gracious enough to allow me to take my son to his fantastic static caravan at Stanwix, Silloth. We have enjoyed two full weekends there and all I had to do in return, was to cut the long grass, around his shed and along the border, at the caravan with a strimmer. A very generous gesture. Since then, “Frugal Fletch” as he shall now be known has given me cause to reconsider the allegations made against him. The icing on the cake came this evening, just before I penned this profile. We were discussing funds that were held in our poker accounts. Knowing that Paul has had a good run of cashes of late, I was amazed when he informed me that he only had $100 in his account. He then explained that he had cashed out $30 because the exchange rate had fallen by 10 cents, saving him £1.25. If anyone has any other money saving ideas, i.e. sharing a bath etc, please email them to Paul@whenwilltherecessionend.com. Back to “The Paddy, The Titanic And The Hitman”. All was sweet in the Christian household. The cash was genuine forged notes and Mike wanted his boat. We went out onto the drive and tried to hitch the trailer to Mike’s 4x4. “F**k me!” said the Paddy, when he saw the length of the trailer, “I didn’t realise that I had just bought the QE2”. Why, do I get myself involved in these situations, I thought to myself. The tow bar on Mike’s 4x4 was not compatible with the trailer, but Paul had one to put on Mike’s vehicle. Mark and myself spent an age getting the old tow bar off the 4x4 whilst “Frugal Fletch” stood and watched. We had to use that much force to get the old tow bar off that we ended up shearing a couple of the nuts. When we eventually got the new tow bar on, it sat at a very strange angle. There was more to come. Next came the tailboard, which had no brake light on the offside and no main driving light on the onside. Both Paul and Mark are fully qualified experienced electricians, but it was like watching the Chuckle brothers wire a plug. After 3 hours, the tailboard was still not fixed. It was dark and Mike still had not seen the boat. Paul was trying to persuade Mike to stay the night and get the boat in the morning when he could get a new tailboard. Paul was also worried about loading the boat in the dark. Mike was having none of it. Eventually a solution was found. “Frugal Fletch” had found some old bike lights in his garage and set about taping them to the tailboard. It was off down to the harbour to load the boat in the dark. Another hour and a half had passed and I was n**s deep in cold water when we eventually got the boat loaded. Mike set off to Newcastle with a boat that was hitched to a trailer, and was held on by two bolts, with a tailboard that was knocked together with old bike lights and duck tape. It could only happen to you Fletch. I went home after half an hour, (plus five), with the words, “I owe you a couple of pints” to comfort my tired, hungry, cold wet body. Mike did make it home safely, but four days later, the boat fell off the trailer and smashed into the back of his 4x4. Thus ends the tale of “The Mick, The Cruiser And The Bruiser”. But wait, I have not finished with you, Fletch. At a recent tournament, Paul mentioned to a player that I shall not name that he was my partner. When asked by the player if we lived together, Paul said, “No, Johno has a girlfriend”. Now that has accounted for my sexual orientation, but not yours Fletch! I believed that you were sad to see the boat go, because you enjoyed your seafaring adventures? Is it not the case that you will no longer be able to sit on it and dream of “Man Sandwiches?” Is your gorgeous wife, Angela a smoke screen? I need to mention Ang, and apologise to her for the amount of time that Paul has to devote to poker. Running Northern Poker Stars, takes up a huge amount of our time and our family lives suffer accordingly. I do not think he realised this when he asked me could he come onboard. If nothing else, please look forward to the trip to Vegas next year when the Poker Wag’s can spend their partner’s winnings, or lounge by the pool at the Bellagio. Speaking of Vegas, I have to give clarity to The Bubbleboy Blog posted on 3rd June 2009. We were at the $1/$2 cash table in Planet Hollywood. Bob, Fletch and yours truly were merrily extracting $$$$’s from the Yanks, when Fletch got involved in some two-way action (not that type) with Player A who had raised to $20 from the SB and Fletch had called from the BB. On a flop of K Hearts, 4 Hearts, 2 Diamonds, Check, Check. Turn, 8 Hearts, Check, Check. River, 2 Diamonds. Player A bets $30. On a paired board, also showing a potential flush, Fletch calls and win the hand showing 7 Clubs, 7 Diamonds. I ask him later how he can make that call (I suggested it was a fold or a raise) with two over cards, a flush draw and a paired board. He tells me that he knew that Player A did not have a 2. Very good, even though Fletch thought his own hand was 6, 7!!! To conclude, I must mention “Frugal Fletch’s” poker record this year. After ironing out some of his little follies, like raising 4 times the BB from UTG with small pocket pairs, our man has come on leaps and bounds. He currently sits in 4th place for the Online Player Of The Year, and is only 6 points off the lead. In the race for the Live Player Of The Year title, he is currently in 6th place. Do remember however that Fletch can only play every other event as he is the tournament director at 50% of the events and he also works 12 hour shifts, so if these fall on a Sunday, then he will be absent. I firmly believe that if he could play in more of the events, then he would be closer to becoming the Live Player Of The Year. Fletch, I have to congratulate you on your performances this year. Keep it going Dude. I hope this player profile has gone some way to paying you back for extra chilli sauce, Naga chillies, Drew Peacock and the half an hour of my life that turned into almost six. I hope that you can take it in jest, unlike in Vegas when both Digger and I felt the wrath of your tongue! Thanks for all your help, Partner. P.S. I LOVE THE PICTURE!! |
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“BUBBLEBOY” BOB CLOUDSDALE There is a saying commonly used in life that goes like this; ‘be careful what you ask for – you might get it.’ This applies to our latest profiled player, “Bubbleboy” Bob Cloudsdale. When we were in Vegas and after his visit to the oxygen bar, to help relieve some of the hangover symptoms, Bob challenged me about my profiled players. “I will never get to be the profiled player of the month, because I am too boring”, he stated. My reply to that was to tell Bob that he was not as outgoing as previous profiled players and his characteristic traits had remained hidden. In Vegas that was about to change! Some four months before the Northern Poker Stars exodus to Las Vegas, and whilst Bob was on holiday in Sharm El Sheikh, the Leaving For Las Vegas Qualifiers 2009 reached it’s conclusion. Bob had pinned his hopes on making the trip via the WildCard route, after yours truly blew any chances of automatic qualification after representing Bob at Leaving For Las Vegas Part Four. Much to Bob’s dismay, he wasn’t the lucky winner of the WildCard draw and I informed him of such via text message. A few hours later, as I was trying to get to sleep, I received another text message from Bob. It read, “There is a chance that Jo might let me go to Vegas!” Jo, who is Bob’s lovely wife, was obviously caught up in the emotion of the Egyptian evening, the tranquil sunset, the beauty of the Red Sea and the copious amounts of white wine. I can picture it now. The BubbleBoy is gutted that he has not made it on to the Vegas trip, and the caring wife after a few too many Chardonnay’s, decides to comfort her devoted husband. Jo turned to Bob and whispered the following words… “I know how much you really want to go to Vegas.” “You work very hard.” “You have a healthy online bankroll.” “Why don’t you go to Vegas with Northern Poker Stars, as a treat for your 40th?” Bob was gobsmacked but when he composed himself, he replied like a total Wally… “No, if I had won then I would have been happy to go.” “It’s not the same if I pay my own way.” DUDE, GET A GRIP… IT’S BEEN HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATE AND YOU ARE TURNING IT DOWN!!! After kicking himself up and down the beach and around the holiday complex, Bob decided address Jo about the matter after a night’s sleep. “Are you sure that you don’t mind if I go to Vegas Jo?” was his good morning kiss. “It’s up to you Bob” was Jo’s less than enthusiastic reply. I got an emergency text, telling me to get him booked on the Vegas trip before Jo changed her mind. There was one small problem. We needed an even number for room occupation and Bob made the number uneven. A couple of hours later, Bob had convinced a friend that it was in his interest to part with £900+ to go to Vegas on the holiday of a lifetime. Howard “Scattercash” Cooper was to escort Bob. Now Dudes, let this be a lesson to you all. If you want something, take the wife on an exotic holiday. Find a place of outstanding beauty. Entice her with drinks and canapés. Put on the puppy dog eyes. BOOM! You are in…. Don’t however go and balls it up by playing the martyr. I have known Bob for longer than I have known any other member of Northern Poker Stars. I went to sixth form with him. It’s great after all these years to find that we share common interests, i.e. Poker and Mojito’s. We sampled plenty of both whilst in Vegas. There were a few nights when Bob and I were the last men standing and we had a great time listening to the duelling piano’s in New York, New York, before ripping it up on the cash tables in the MGM Grand. One morning it was 9am when we left after doing a 24hour stint of poker and booze. Everyone else was in bed when we did the walk of shame down the strip. Two hours later I got a text message from the BubbleBoy. He was back on it with Scattercash. In my life I have known some hardcore party animals. Bob Cloudsdale would not be amiss in their company. The first of two outstanding moments of Bob’s Vegas trip occurred in the Mirage. BubbleBoy, Fletch and myself had played a 10-seater SnG and the final three consisted of the Bubbleboy, and two Americans. All three players were in the money and our man had half of the chips in play. One of the Americans suggested a split of the prize pool. The other agreed. BubbleBoy voiced his opinion… “I haven’t travelled 2000 miles to chop pots with two Yank”. A Classic Reply! The very next hand and Bob lost a big chunk of his chips. One of the Yanks said, “I bet you wish that you had chopped now?” Five hands later and it was all over and the BubbleBoy was some $900 to the good. The second moment that I savour was an afternoon in Kahunaville Party Bar in Treasure Island. The BubbleBoy was feeling slightly worse for wear and decided to try something to perk him up. I turned round to see him sitting at an Oxygen Bar with surgical tubes stuffed up his nose whilst his head was being massaged with what can only be described as a futuristic television aerial. Enjoy the pictures Dudes… Boring? I DON”T THINK SO! Happy Birthday BubbleBoy. |
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KEN "JOHNO" JOHNSTON Where do I start to describe my partner in poker, Johno? I guess it’s from the beginning when I first came across Johno on the rugby field. St Bees were playing Wath Brow in a cup match. We were out on the pitch and I saw Johno walking towards us. I thought to myself, number 8, 10, 11 or 12?. But, when he turned round with number 5 on his back, this winger, 6ft 5inches and 18 stones, no way I thought. Luckily I was on the other wing!!! The next time I saw Johno, my son Karl had pestered me to go to a Vegas tournament and on entering the Marchon Club, here he was dressed in his de-mob suit ready to welcome me and take my money. The tournament was ready to start with 100 players eager to begin (with players being turned away) best of order was given as war and peace began, in fact war and peace was shorter. I found myself in 3rd place with 1 Vegas tournament to come, with words of wisdom from Johno I managed to come 6th in the end, missing out on the Vegas places and had to pay £2k to go! So off we went to Vegas, it was like a school trip with Johno as teacher. Everything planned to perfection, coach from Wetherspoons to the Radisson Hotel for an overnight stay before Vegas. “Don’t drink too much tonight, as we have to be up early for the flight tomorrow”, he said. That didn’t work, as we all got pi**ed and we were standing in the check-in area like the undead. “Come on lads”, Johno said, “Give me your passports, I’ll check you in”. On the plane he had vouchers for us all for at least 2 free drinks each and when we arrived there was a 20 seater Cadillac waiting to take us to our hotel. Then he checked us all in to our hotel, The Bellagio, a few drinks, then tucked us all up in bed and read us a story. It was better than a school trip. The holiday was brilliant, non-stop poker, morning, noon and night, all-expenses paid. One of my following adventures with Johno was to set sail for the Isle of Man and the TT Races. There were 4 takers – Johno, Kenny Nichol, Digger and me. We set sail, I was driving the boat and the crew members were on the drink, playing poker (of which Johno won all the money) and we were only 50 yards outside of Whitehaven harbour. It was two hours until we landed in the Isle of Man. Kenny and me were slumming it on the boat while Johno had to stop at the best hotel on the island - The Hilton. There were cries from Digger “HOW MUCH?, YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING”, with Johno saying “Don’t worry, I’ve got a gold card”. The first night was spent losing money in the casino and afterwards drowning our sorrows. The next day after a bit of TT races we found a back street pub and Digger was dressed in a pirates hat and a long wig (a la Jack Sparrow), and emerged out of the toilet with a long trail of toilet paper sticking out of the seat of his pants. Johno took my lighter and lit the end of the paper. Nobody expected the fireball that followed. Digger’s shirt, hair & hat were all ablaze with me and Kenny trying to put him out and Johno over in a corner pi**ing himself laughing. “Don’t worry” Johno said to Digger. “I will put the flames out.” He then kicked Digger that hard in the genitals that the lens fell from the frames of Johno’s sunglasses to the floor! But seriously I have known Johno for two and half years now, and he is a devoted father, a good friend, and a dedicated business partner who if he sticks in has the makings of a good poker player. People always say that I look younger than him; I don’t know I will let you be the judge of that. Finally I will finish on a little story. We were in Kendal after the tournament and we went in to a pub down the road which was holding an illegal poker tournament, “I’ll get this stopped”, he said. “What are you going to do?” I asked, he said “You are the man from the council, and I’m from NPS”. So we entered the pub with around fifty drunken poker players playing poker and Johno introduced himself and me as “Councillor Fletch” from Copeland Council. Johno advised the landlord of the error of his ways but we were met by at least eight angry poker players hurling abuse at us. Calmly, Johno stuck to his plan, delivered his point, and we left the pub with our heads held high and our bodies intact. Johno does a lot for your poker club and a hell of a lot more behind the scenes, a task which at times does not get the recognition that it deserves! Keep up the good work. Fletch. To say that a little poetic license was used in the writng of this profile, is somewhat of an understatement! You have had your fun, Mr. Christian, but thank you for the enjoyment. Johno |
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JOHN “YAN BROW” STEWARD John discovered poker through both the Broughton pub scene, care of Pikey, and of course via Lady Poker, Joan ‘The BallBreaker’ Lawley, in the local infamous Kings Head Bootle, Monday night game. He found his abilities were to read people and indeed his mathematical brain could work out the odds very quickly from early in his poker career. He was always trying to get me to come along and play, but to be honest I was not really that interested. I gave in eventually and after trying a couple of games at Broughton and Kirby I was hooked. As John mentioned whilst penning my player profile me and ‘The Brow’ have always had a healthy brotherly rivalry, which did involve women, drink, golf and poker. Now we are a bit older, as Mr Tweedie will take great pleasure in pointing out, we stick to golf and poker! It takes a great deal of dignity, honesty, self- control and inner strength to give an unbiased appraisal of these elements but I will try my best. I would honestly say he has got me on the golf front, although I am catching him up, as for women, again he likes to think he has the edge, but I have always done ok for a fat kid. All that remains is the poker. When it comes to cash games, he is ahead by a country mile! He can sit down at a cash table and within minutes he stalks his prey, he then proceeds to take money off the targeted fish, with a similar fashion to that of a school bully taking sweets off the fat kid. You know who you are bully Biff, Dane Gill School Barrow; I want my Bon Bon’s back. He sits there full of confidence knowing that he will take the money in the long run. The banter is flowing and his reads of players especially with drink on board is seldom wrong. He fire’s outrageous bluffs when he smells weakness and takes great pleasure in goading the wounded animal that is the fish by showing the bluff, infuriating the flustered, floundering pawn further setting up the next phase of relentless attack. I can only sit on the rail and watch. He just seems to have a natural instinct using his reading abilities to know exactly were he is at, in most hands. Very seldom does he get it wrong. |
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DEAN “CARLISLE’S NO.59” LAMONBY Deano started playing poker in about 2006. After playing around houses he took it further by playing in pubs, mainly The Time Bar, The Portland, The West End Club & the Arroyo. He tries to keep away from cash games as he thinks there is more luck involved. He quickly discovered that there was more to poker than hitting cards. He plays his game on reads/ tells, talking at tables & what other players have not hit. He doesn’t tend to play percentages or pot odds. Being my younger brother, yes younger, the rivalry between us started at a early age. We would often play for money on the playstation and we started to lose money to each other. Having gone about £35 in front, that was 35 consecutive wins, I arrived home from college one day to find Deano waiting on me, with the computer ready to go. He said “Come on Boy £5 per game, I want to win my money back”. I thought this sounded too good to be true, having just beat him for 35 consecutive games, and he now wanted to play for £5. Well this was easy money for me because I was a legend on Fifa 96 back then. Off we went. First game I absolutely battered him, but got beat 1-0. Second game I lost 1-0. Third game I lost 1-0. By now I was really mad so decided to up the stakes to £10 per game. Got beat again 1-0, then 2-0, then 3-0, then 4-0. To finish it off he actually beat me 7-0. I ended up paying Deano £55, which was my full YTS money back then. About two week later, having replaced my smashed up joypad I sat down again to get some practice in. Well to my surprise I found that Dean had somehow loaded a cheat into the computer which was called “a brick wall”. I hit the roof! It was some cheat which stopped the opposing team from scoring and that was me. I won’t reveal too much about Dean’s punishment but he ended up black and blue. People always ask me who is the better player between us & I just want to clear this matter up now. Although Deano calls himself Carlisle’s No1, he is not even in my league and that’s the truth. I think he has the potential to be a very good poker player but all he needs is the break needed to play with the best. He is a good card reader by watching for betting patterns people use & a very good position player. He does however have a tendency to blow up when he is chip leader, so make a note of this. One Christmas I decided to buy Deano a poker set, so off we went round to our Mam’s for Christmas dinner. As soon as we arrived, we went straight into action, playing heads-up poker. All I want to say is it was the best Christmas dinner I’ve ever had, sitting with a £100 in big ones in my back sky rocket, which I had just taken off him… EASY MONEY! He went full time poker player in October 2008 and in four months made a 1/4 of his salary from his old accounts assistant job by playing sit n goes online, pub poker & trips over to Aspers in Newcastle every weekend. In January 2009 he entered a satellite for the Irish Poker Open 2009 at the Circus Casino in Newcastle. He travelled over by himself to follow his dream of getting the break. He dreamed of playing against the best. After ten hours of play, he found himself heads up with 'The Doctor' (a well known poker player in Newcastle), for an Irish Poker Open 2009 package worth £4,500. After some negotiating on the part of Deano, trying to do a deal, with him offering to buy the seat for £750 & £1K cash. The Doctor offered the same back to him. (He wishes now he took £1K and used this to try to qualify online at £200 a go). The chip count was equal so they decided the loser would get 10% stake in the winner if they cashed in Eire. The only hand he played wrong all night cost him the seat. 6.30am on the A69 by yourself travelling home after losing what was in touching distance, was the worst experience of his poker career. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. In February 2009, he decided he missed being behind a computer using spreadsheets & numbers so decided to put his full time poker career on hold. He now plays around the pubs and has the odd trip to Aspers and the G Casino, Blackpool. People always ask Deano for advice, about where they went wrong in a tournament and what they could have done in the situation of which he always stresses is about position. Paul Lamonby Tournament Director Carlisle |
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